Maybe. Being a terrified 17 year old girl with not so much the courage to pull the trigger on a paintball gun, let alone a rifle, I can not say for sure. In the case of John Wheelwright in John Irving's "Owen Meany" I would be the one who accepted Owen's offer to cut off my right trigger finger so as to avoid every possibility of going to war. Call it a lack of bravery or what you will. I'm prepared for criticism (and mockery). I do, in fact, have excessive respect and admiration for those honorable men and women who willingly and anthusiasticaly enlist themselves for the safety and security of our country.
I believe, though, that in the case of Vietnam, it was a different story.
My grandfather passed away when I was nine, but he was a WWII veteran. I would occasionally hear him speak briefly of his memoris of flying the fighter jets, coming within inches of death more times than he cared to count, and the timeless picture of the orange/red explosion of the planes that never landed. That must have been on fewer than four occasions, and although I was young upon hearing them, therefore unable even to understand the true concept of a "world war", let alone the second, I always noticed his eyes drift and shift after he spoke. Eight years of education later I know that I am no closer now to understanding the true essence of what he saw, and what he still saw, than what I did as an uneducated nine year old. However naiive I am to war, I know that what I saw in his expression was not something of glorification of his skills as a pilot or his thankfullness to be alive, it was more. I will never pretend that I understand, but I do know what I saw, and it makes me uncertain as to whether or not expression of war experience proves to ease pain, or re-create it.
While I may not have seen war, I have, in fact, experienced tragedy. In my personal case, my feelings were surpressed for an incredibly long time before I was able to open up. However, once I did, it felt like a giant elephant decided to find a different place to sit rather than my chest. Weird analogy, but I'll bet it makes sense. I would not say that it eased my pain or that it made coping easier. It did, however, allow for an outlet of frustration. While it may not have been my prescription to solving the battle I was having internally, it definitely made me remember that I had a voice, and that using it reminds you that you are not lost in the shuffle just because you have had your butt kicked around by the world.
In Tim O'Brien's case it is difficult to tell whether expression relieves or creates more pain. The entire book is O'Brien's stories, not his opinions, thoughts or reactions. Whether it makes a difference to tell stories of things you saw, or express in detail everything you felt is not up to me to judge. As I have stated before in my self defense, there is only so much I can contribute having not been anywhere within light years of a battlefield. I am a firm believer in the power of expression and opening up, but not all are. I think it depends on the experience itself, the person's individual morals and beliefs, and their courage to open themselves up to share their most supressed dark memories.
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2 comments:
I enjoyed your post hheartsonhold! I enjoy the topic of discussion. Is it possible to ease the burdens of war? I, like you, am a 17 year old who would cut off my trigger finger with a diamond cutter to avoid going to war. Also, like you, I have been through my own personal hells and have had elephants step off of my chest as soon as I told my dearest friends the truths that suffocated me. I can't relate to war, but I feel like, maybe if the elephant doesn't get off the chest of a war vet who discusses his trauma, perhaps the elephant will lose some weight.
I really like how you brought in your own personal experience to relate to war. Although we all have not been to war, we still know what it's like to lose someone that we love. Although we cannot relate to what these men are going through, we still know the heartbreak that comes through death. I don't neccesarily believe that one needs to go through such a traumatic experience in order to really relate to the book, but it does help. The book is not only a healing supplement for those that have been through war, but also those who have ever lost anyone or anything and have felt that elephant on their chest.
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